


memento mori (remember to die)

by whichlights



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Forgive Me, Gen, Ghosts, Missing Scene, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 05, Trauma, ive decided i want to be in charge of all lloyd angst, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 02:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10957911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whichlights/pseuds/whichlights
Summary: Season Five through Lloyd's eyes.





	memento mori (remember to die)

Lloyd knew true fear the moment Morro, in a swirl of sand, yelled out " _YOU!_ " in response to what he wanted. Lloyd's scream echoed through the museum as Morro attacked him in the one place Lloyd had always felt was safe- his own mind.

The battle for Lloyd's mind lasted only a few seconds. Lloyd lost.

Morro's consciousness was sharp, and dark, and rather like a storm. Lloyd had been banished to some corner of his mind where he had no control, nothing. He could see the world, hear his voice-  _Morro's_ voice -on his tongue, taste whatever foul substance Morro drank at the bar, feel his muscles move but he couldn't  _do anything_.

To do _anything_ , he would have to battle with Morro's mind again, and every time their minds touched, it burned and stung at Lloyd until he felt like he was going to die.

He did it a few times, especially at the beginning, when he was at full strength. Every second that passed as he was a prisoner in his own body he grew weaker, and whenever Morro un-possessed him for a few heartbeats, he could barely move. He couldn't trust his limbs. He couldn't trust his voice. He couldn't even trust his own consciousness. 

He spat at Morro when he could, swung at him with weak punches, and tried so hard to  _fight back_. He tried to fight his way to controlling his own body, his own voice, his own hands, his own mind, a few times. 

 _"Kai, help me_." He still remembered begging at the beginning.

" _Take the sword_." He still remembered how his hands trembled from the effort to keep the storm of Morro's mind and his rage at bay.

" _You'll never be the green ninja._ " He still remembered spitting from where he hung in a cage of vengestone, not that he could have used his power if he wanted to.

His power.

Lloyd couldn't forget how his hands had raised without him telling them too and how they sent out wind instead of his glowing green power. He couldn't even trust his power, it seemed.

Morro's mind had controlled his body, and left Lloyd in a secluded corner. Their minds brushed against each other every once in a while, and it hurt Lloyd. Morro probably registered the pain, but didn't care. Lloyd could feel him not caring.

He fought back as well as he could. From his corner of banishment in his mind, he yelled and screamed and tested his bounds. It never ended well.

Morro could push his body as far as he need it to be pushed. Drinking and eating and sleeping were luxuries, not necessities, to a ghost. Maybe that was why Lloyd was always so weak when Morro released him those few times. His body was ready to give out, and Lloyd's energy was spent, and his mind wasn't sure what could be trusted.

When Morro was controlling his body and taking over his mind, he and Lloyd could have, in theory, communicated just between themselves. They wouldn't have even had to use verbal words- they shared a body. By unspoken agreement, neither of them tried it. It was the one sign of respect Morro showed him, though sometimes it felt more like contempt, as if he would ever speak to a lowly creature like Lloyd. 

When Morro grabbed him by the back of the neck and held him over the raging river, and ransomed Lloyd's life for the Realm Crystal, Lloyd wondered what it would be like to drop. 

He kicked Morro in the chest, determined to get at least a semblance of revenge for what he'd  _done_ to him, and Morro shoved him over and Lloyd fell. The water embraced him like an old friend.  _Sleep, close your eyes. Stop fighting._ It whispered to him as Lloyd floundered and spluttered weakly. He doubted he had any fight left in him.

_Sleep, child, sleep, you've suffered enough. The water will keep you safe, breathe in and out until you breathe no more, and the water will let you sleep._

Lloyd wanted to sleep. Desperately.

Someone was keeping him afloat, barely. Dimly, he recognized it as Kai. But did it really matter? Maybe they could both sleep. The water was a friend.

When Lloyd was on the shore and coughing the water from his lungs, he realized how close he had been to death.

At Stiix, when Nya had his gi and he was sneaking, he fought Morro, briefly, and Morro's taunts dug in deep. " _I've been inside your head! I know what you're afraid of!"_

" _W_ _eak!_ " Morro called. " _You need others!"_

Lloyd fell. He fell so many times in that fight, and every time he accepted that he might hit the ground, and from that height, he wouldn't have survived.

Lloyd wanted to destroy the crystal, and was so close to doing it, when Morro pulled his final cruel act. Acting vulnerable, desperate. Lloyd backed away as Morro moved closer, and Lloyd wanted the crystal destroyed and he wanted Morro  _away from him._

" _But if you destroy the crystal, you destroy any chance of ever saving your father._ "

How dare he.

How dare he speak of Lloyd's father.

How dare he pour salt on the wound that Lloyd had sent him to the Cursed Realm.

How  _dare_ destiny decree that _Morro_ could see Lloyd's father. 

_How dare Morro use Lloyd's father against him._

Lloyd almost dropped the crystal as Morro spoke. But then he snapped out of it. It had to be destroyed.

Then Morro was laughing as Lloyd was pulled into the Cursed Realm. Laughing. Taunting him even then. 

The rest was a blur. His father. Leaving him. Lloyd had to  _leave_ his father behind. In the Cursed Realm. Which was then destroyed. Lloyd had to leave him. Leave. 

He fought Morro in most of the Realms. Every blow against Morro felt like he was starting to get vengeance for what the Master of Wind had done to him. He had, in a sense, destroyed Lloyd. Lloyd felt terrified his power wouldn't glow green, but his hands would throw out wind instead. He didn't know if he would get attacked in his own mind again. He didn't know if he could trust his voice or his hands.

He eventually stayed in a relatively calm Kingdom- they passed through the Cloud Kingdom. Lloyd saw several monks while he was waiting for his team to destroy the Preeminent (and Morro he would admit to himself later, much later) but none of them would answer his questions.

" _We must not interfere_." They said. 

" _Why me?_ " Lloyd asked them over and over again. " _Why did you let him do this to me? Why did you write him doing this to me? Did you write it? You might not have written his escape but how much did you write afterwards? Did you write the nightmares? Did you write the flashbacks? Did you write the mistrust of myself? How much did you write?_ "

Eventually a young boy answered. " _I'm so sorry_."

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is witchlightsands but im not gonna be active there for a while i got grounded *dabs*


End file.
